OwlJerryBear (3.5e Monster)

Author: Aeturo (talk) Date Created: 4/13/2017 Status: Done Editing: Clarity edits only please

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OwlJerryBear

OwlJerryBear

CR 1

	CE Medium Vermin
Init/Senses	-2/Low Light Vision; Listen -3, Spot -3
Aura	Aura of Chaos
AC	8, touch 8, flat-footed 8
hp	9 (1d8 HD)
Fort/Ref/Will	1/2/6
Weakness	Vulnerability to Bludgeoning, Piercing, Slashing, Fire, Cold, Sonic, Acid, the opinions of Undead Devices that Roll, Force, and Untyped Damage
Speed	30, fly 5
Melee	Slam+3 (1d8+2) or
Melee	Wing Slap+1 (1d4-3) or
Melee	Unarmed Strike (1+2)
Space/Reach	5 feet/5 feet
Base Atk/Grp	1/+3
Special Actions	Instant-Self-Death 1/life
Abilities	Str 14, Dex 6, Con 13, Int 3, Wis 3, Cha 1
Feats	Dork of Unrelated Interest (3.5e Feat)
Skills	Perform (Writer of Nonsense Material) 4
Advancement	1-4 HD (Medium), 5-8 (Small), 9-13 (Tiny), 14-16 (Colossal), 17-20 (Huge), 100+ (Fine)

Strategies and Tactics

The OwlJerryBear is a creature from a land of nonsense. Normally they sit down contemplating hitting that 1/life insta death button. They wonder why they exist, much like this sixth plane of reality they once inhabited. In battle they normally attack with their slam attacks or fly away to brood on some strange plane called the Spaces of Hacker 6.

Sample Encounters

Once the OwlJerryBear sees a foe they immediately begin trying to explain that, despite hating their own existence, their plane of existence is the best one and solves the problems created by every other plane known to man. Once the foe tires of this and attack the OwlJerryBear refutes their attack with "Obviously you've never Roleplayed with children" and combat begins.

Ecology

Environment: They naturally appear on the plane Spaces of Hacker 6 but have recently spread to Faerun, Greyhawk, Middle Earth, Hogwarts, and even the wonderful world of Disney.

Typical Physical Characteristics: The OwlJerryBear is a malformed creature whose appearance changes with each one. Common appearances are human heads, with bear snouts, and a beak inside the snout for the head, then wings hanging off the arms which are inbetween the strong arms of a bear and the slim arms of man, resulting in atrophied forelimbs but huge upper arms, or vice versa. The rest of their body follows suit but I will spare you the horrific details.

Alignment: Chaotic Stup-Evil. Chaotic Evil.

Lore

The natural inhabitants of the Spaces of Hacker 6 come from a place where you can die from talking, or become level 10 from learning not to shit on the floor, and therefore don't understand how real people interact and live.

Society

Their land is controlled by Leaders that grow more powerful by amassing more land. No they don't amass land by being more powerful. That would be stupid. By putting flags in the ground their muscles grow and make them powerful as they compete for the prestigious honor to write the rules of reality for the Spaces of Hacker 7 plane by amassing 90,000 $$s worth of land. Too bad they have no idea how much land is worth one $$. Oh well. They rule anyway.

Sample Lair

Lots of empty beer bottles, advil, and a pre-recorded message from their mother constantly saying "The Wizards that live on the coast will contact you soon honey. Your system is genius, I'm sure." emanating from a magic recorder in the middle of the room.

Typical Treasure

There is nothing worth treasuring from The Spaces of Hacker 6

Advanced Creatures

The creatures advance in a nonsensical way as they increase in HD, as shown on their statistics block.

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