Misspell (3.5e Spell)

Author: Eiji-kun (talk) Date Created: 9-21-07 Status: In Progress Editing: Clarity edits only please

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Misspell

Enchantment (Compulsion)
Level:	Bard 3, Screwball 4, Sorcerer/Wizard 4
Components:	V, S, M
Casting time:	1 standard action
Range:	Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target:	One Target
Duration:	1 round/level
Saving Throw:	Will negates
Spell Resistance:	Yes

"I... I don't understand what happened. I swore I cast Meteor Swarm, why is there MEAT everywhere!?"

A terrible curse is afflicted on the enemy. Whenever they go to cast a spell, they must make an Intelligence check, DC 20 (+1 to the DC every 5 caster levels), or the spell they cast goes awry. The spell comes off in corrupt form, either a play on words or slightly misspelled, and never what one expects. Occasionally it is still beneficial, usually less so.

The new effect might target a new subject if required to, as specified in description, and may choose a new target randomly. If no conditions are met, the spell simply fizzles, with no clue of what error it may have been.

If prepared in a spell slot two levels higher, it becomes Mass Misspell and applies to 1 target per caster level in the area.

Below is a suggested list of corrupt spells from the SRD. While it is a joke spell, it has real, and useful applications... especially against non-intelligent spellcasters.

Material Component

1 Booklet filled with random words

Warped Spells A-D

Table: Warped Spells (A)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Acid Arrow	Aspen Arrow	Launches a small tree at the enemy.
Acid Fog	Acid Frog	A frog made of acid hops at the enemy repeatedly.
Acid Splash	Acid Slash	Enchants the nearest source of slashing damage to deal an extra 1d4 acid damage until next round.
Aid	Ade	Summons up a drink of lemonade.
Air Walk	Err Walk	Curse foes to walk in random directions, not where they want to go.
Alarm	Alarmed	Caster becomes very nervous and spooked suddenly.
Align Weapon	Align Weapon (Broke)	Aligns weapon vertically or horizontally, making attacking difficult.
Alter Self	Altar Self (Broke)	Caster is suddenly teleported to a sacrificial altar and bound to it. Hope there are no willing enemies about to make the sacrifice...
Analyze Dweomer	Analyze D'Wormer	It detects and gives a detailed biological analysis of all worms in 1 mile of the caster. It does not give positions, only number, type, and special abilities if any.
Animal Growth	Animal Growth (Broke)	Caster develops a gross animal-shaped tumor on his/her body.
Animal Messenger	Cannibal Messenger	A cannibal barbarian appears to take your message.
Animal Shapes	Carnival Snakes	Summons multicolored snakes.
Animal Trance	Animal Dance	Animals start to dance instead.
Animate Dead	Animate Red	All red-colored items start moving.
Animate Objects	Anime Objects	Targeted object becomes cartoonish, as if drawn.
Animate Plants	Animate Pants	Cause target pants to move at your command.
Animate Rope	Animate Road	The path on which the caster is standing starts moving.
Antilife Shell	Antilaugh Shell	Prevents any laughter in range, even hideous laughter.
Antimagic Field	Animagic Field	All magical weapons and shields start dancing, other magical items become intelligent.
Antipathy	Anti Path	Paths in 90 ft. of caster are hidden by illusion.
Antiplant Shell	Anti-Pant Shell	All pants wink out of existence while in the area of effect.
Arcane Eye	Are Canine	Caster polymorphs randomly into a riding dog, wolf, warg, or dire version of the same.
Arcane Lock	Arcane Rock	Conjures up a rock which glows with strong magic, but does nothing.
Arcane Mark	Arcane Mark (Broke)	Summons a confused level 1 wizard named Mark.
Arcane Sight	Arcane Scythe	Conjures up a scythe which glows with strong magic, but does nothing. Its size is appropriate for the caster.
Arcane Sight, Greater	Arcane Scythe, Greater	Same as Arcane Scythe, only one category larger.
Astral Projection	Astro Projection	As Astral Projection, but you end up in outer space. Your astral copy may not survive here, but you will just return to your body as per Astral Projection. Unlike Astral Projection, you may still be on the same plane.
Atonement	Atone Mint	Conjures a tasty mint which acts as the Atone spell as normal when swallowed.
Augury	Arguing	As Augury, but instead of a reply, you get in an argument with a non-dismissible cranky voice for 1 round/level.
Awaken	Awaken (Broke)	Simply wakes up sleeping targets.
Table: Warped Spells (B)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Baleful Polymorph	Bale Full Polymorph	Transforms the target into a Hay Golem.
Bane	Bang	A loud bang goes off, like a thunderstone.
Banishment	Vanishment	The target vanishes as per Greater Invisibility, but is not actually gone.
Barkskin	Barkingskin	Magic mouths appear on your skin, all of them barking constantly.
Bear’s Endurance	Bare Endurance	As Bear's Endurance, but all subjects appear naked during duration.
Bear’s Endurance, Mass	Bare Endurance, Mass	As Bare Endurance.
Bestow Curse	Bestow Purse	Target gains a sparkling hot pink purse on their body (threat as an empty mundane sack). Purse is cursed not to leave the target, but it is functional, just embarrassing.
Binding	Blinding	As Blinding/Deafness, but only the blinding effect.
Black Tentacles	Lack Tentacles	Any target in area with tentacles has them vanish for the spell duration.
Blade Barrier	Braid Barrier	Wall of braided hair entangles and provides cover.
Blasphemy	Blast Phlegm	Sneeze, releasing a cone of sticky evil mucus.
Bless	Bliss	The caster feels like he just took a hallucinogenic drug, and starts hallucinating.
Bless Water	Less Water	Evaporates half of the water instantly.
Bless Weapon	Less Weapon	Weapon size shrinks by one.
Blight	Bright	Target gains a snazzy lens flare effect and glows.
Blindness/Deafness	Blandness/Daftness	The target either has their Cha reduced to 10, or their Wis reduced to 10. If it is lower than that normally, there is no change.
Blink	Blink (Broke)	Subject of spell blinks.
Blur	Blue	Caster turns blue, remains until curse is removed.
Break Enchantment	Brake Enchantment	Gain one-time use of Unmovable class skill.
Bull’s Strength	Bill's Strength	Gain the strength of the commoner, Bill, turning your score to 10.
Bull’s Strength, Mass	Bill's Strength, Mass	As Bill's Strength, but for several targets.
Burning Hands	Burning Hands (Broke)	Caster's hands become swollen, itchy, red, with a burning sensation.
Table: Warped Spells (C)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Call Lightning	Call Lightning (Broke)	Communicate with distant lightning bolt, and learn where it struck or is striking.
Call Lightning Storm	Call Lightning Storm (Broke)	As Call Lightning (Broke), but with many bolts.
Calm Animals	Clam Animals	Quiets animals' voices.
Calm Emotions	Clam Emotions	Silence subject when speaking of their feelings.
Cat’s Grace	Cat's Face	You get the face of a cat.
Cat’s Grace, Mass	Cat's Face, Mass	As Cat's Face.
Cause Fear	Cause Fair	At the nearest opportunity, a country fair will attempt to set up shop at this location.
Chain Lightning	Change Lighting	All sources of light in an area with radius equal to the original spell's distance switch state. Could cause a serious problem if you have a torch in your backpack.
Changestaff	Change Staff	Nearest business suddenly fires all management and hires new ones. You are aware of this change.
Chaos Hammer	Chaos Hammer (Broke)	Summons a random dancing hammer-like weapon, which attacks everyone for a duration, then disappears. The summoned weapon is treated as Chaotic for purpose of bypassing DR.
Charm Animal	Harm Animal	For the next round, caster desires to injure the target (animal).
Charm Monster	Harm Monster	For the next round, caster desires to injure the target (monster).
Charm Monster, Mass	Harm Monster, Mass	As Harm Monster.
Charm Person	Harm Person	For the next round, caster desires to injure the target (person).
Chill Metal	Chill Metal (Broke)	A strange music (a sub-genre of metal) starts playing (source — the caster's hands).
Chill Touch	Chill Torch	All flames in 30 ft. burn blue and now deal cold damage instead of fire.
Circle of Death	Circle of Meth	Mass save vs euphoric helplessness.
Clairaudience/Clairvoyance	Clear And Dense/Clear Buoyance	Both forms of the spell make you partially transparent. The first grants the caster DR 5/adamantine, the second allows you to float on water as if it were land. Both last for 1 round/caster level.
Clenched Fist	Quenched Fist	As the spell Quench, as a touch attack, that lasts 1 round/caster level.
Cloak of Chaos	Clock of Chaos	All nearby time-pointing devices go wild.
Clone	Crone	As clone, but the clone is an ugly hooknosed woman. The spell still works, however.
Cloudkill	Cloudkill (Broke)	Slays a nearby cloud, no save, cloud drifts to ground and dissipates.
Color Spray	Color Spay	Cone causes animals to save vs become infertile.
Command	Compend	Subject must give a brief summary of one bit of knowledge about itself within its abilities to answer.
Command, Greater	Compend, Greater	As Compend, but for 1 round/level.
Command Plants	Command Pants	Give orders to a pair of pants, as the Command spell. Strangely enough, they animate long enough to obey.
Command Undead	Compend Undead	As Compend, but affects undead.
Commune	Common	As spell, but contacts a commoner, who probably will not know what you seek.
Commune with Nature	Common with Nature	As Commune, but contacts a common animal like a badger, who probably will not know what you seek, and translation of the badger may be needed.
Comprehend Languages	Comprehend Slanguges	As spell, but applies to strange dialects of languages, such as slang.
Cone of Cold	Clone of Cold	Forms a perfect duplicate of the caster carved out of ice in front of them.
Confusion	Coin Fusion	All of your smaller change (such as copper pieces) fuses into the largest coins they can, typically platinum pieces, until they cannot fuse the value into larger coins.
Confusion, Lesser	Coin Fusion, Lesser	As Coin Fusion, but only up to 5,000 gp value.
Consecrate	Coinsy Crate	All your money animates and arranges into a large crate made of coins. Coins cannot be removed until dispelled.
Contact Other Plane	Contact Other Plain	Speak to someone in the next nearest plains.
Contagion	Octagon	A symbol of a glowing octagon appears on the target; treat as an arcane mark.
Contingency	Contingent Sea	Seems to work until activated, then fills the area in 30 ft. deep with seawater instead.
Continual Flame	Continual Blame	Enchanted item does not glow; instead, it talks, berating you constantly.
Control Plants	Control Pants	Take over control of another's pants.
Control Undead	Control Unclad	As control undead, but against naked creatures.
Control Water	Control Waiter	Waiter follows your commands as if under suggestion.
Control Weather	Control Feather	Manipulate feathers up to 1 cu. ft./caster level as if by Telekinesis.
Control Winds	Control Wands	Attempt to set off a wand, eternal wand, or similar item not currently in your possession by succeeding on a caster level check.
Create Food and Water	Ate Food and Water	You feel as if you just ate a full meal, even though you actually haven't.
Create Greater Undead	Crate Greater Undead	Same as Crate Undead, only twice HD.
Create Undead	Crate Undead	Wooden crates trap (caster-level) HD of undead, starting with the weakest first. Treat as Forcecage, only wooden.
Create Water	Create Daughter	Generates a small girl to annoy and pester the caster for her every want and need. She stays for 1d4 hours. Vanishes if slain.
Creeping Doom	Creeping Boom	As Creeping Doom, but after 5 rounds any swarms you have suddenly explode without warning! Treat as a Fireball spell.
Crushing Despair	Crushing Dis Pear	Nearest pear is crushed to pulp, no save.
Crushing Hand	Crushing Hand (Broke)	Force hand gives painfully strong handshake to any free hand available, injures said hand.
Cure Critical Wounds	Cure Critical Wounds (Broke)	Cure any wounds from critical hits, no others.
Cure Critical Wounds, Mass	Cure Critical Wounds, Mass (Broke)	As Cure Critical Wounds (Broke).
Cure Light Wounds	Cure Light Wounds (Broke)	Cure any wounds from light-based attacks.
Cure Light Wounds, Mass	Cure Light Wounds, Mass (Broke)	As Cure Light Wounds (Broke).
Cure Minor Wounds	Cure Minor Wounds (Broke)	Only works on minors 18 years or younger.
Cure Moderate Wounds	Cure Odorate Wounds	Works as normal, but the cured wound smells terrible, imposing a −6 on all social skill checks.
Cure Moderate Wounds, Mass	Cure Odorate Wounds, Mass	As Cure Odorate Wounds.
Cure Serious Wounds	Cure Serrous Wounds	Cures only wounds caused by ripping or tearing such as from Rend, claws, jagged knives, or any weapon which does not give a clean cut.
Cure Serious Wounds, Mass	Cure Serrous Wounds, Mass	As Cure Serrous Wounds.
Curse Water	Purse Water	Fills all personal containers (such as bags of holding and sacks) with water. May ruin contents.
Table: Warped Spells (D)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Dancing Lights	Dancing Lights (Broke)	All light sources animate and dance to the tune of music.
Darkness	Dorkness	Caster receives −10 on all social skill checks & fumbles on a 1 or 2 from now on until curse is removed.
Darkvision	Dark Vision	Caster sees only darkness (and not because hood is down ;) )
Daylight	Daylate	As Daylight, but appears 24 hours after casting.
Daze	Daisy	A flower grows on the head of the target.
Daze Monster	Daisy Monster	As Daisy, but to non-humanoids as well.
Death Knell	Death Kneel	All subjects who are currently dying (−1 to −9) sit up and kneel. They stabilize automatically, but are still comatose.
Death Ward	Meth Ward	Protects you from Meth-related dangers. Don't do drugs, kids.
Deathwatch	Death Watch	Conjures a nice bone and undead flesh crafted watch on your wrist to tell time.
Deep Slumber	Deep Lumber	A pile of trees and logs fall down; target is injured and movement hampered, as the deadfall spell.
Deeper Darkness	Duper Darkness	Make a Bluff check to convince all targets in the area there is a darkness spell active, when there actually is not. The effect is non-magical if you succeed.
Delay Poison	Deli Poison	Summon a tasty, but poisoned, sandwich. Poison is random.
Delayed Blast Fireball	Delay Last Fireball	The last fireball you can cast (due to lack of spell slots or spells per day) will be a delayed blast fireball.
Demand	De-man	A cruel spell which causes pain (and potential infertility) to a male subject, and may deal critical damage.
Desecrate	Desu Crate	A strange crate appears filled with cheap glasses with one red lens and one green lens.
Destruction	Destraction	Hey, what's that over there?!
Detect Animals or Plants	Detect Animates or Pants	Divines out animated objects and pants.
Detect Chaos	Detect Kiosk	Detect nearest Kiosk and what it is about.
Detect Evil	Detect Devil	Detects Devils in the area.
Detect Good	Detect God	Detects nearest deity.
Detect Law	Detect Lawl	Detect nearest laughter or source of humor.
Detect Magic	Detest Magic	For 1 round/level, the caster becomes offended by magic and will refuse to cast spells or use magic items if possible.
Detect Poison	Defect Poison	All poisons within 30' of the caster turn into broken versions of themselves, dealing minimum damage and lasting only a minute. There is no second save.
Detect Scrying	Detect Crying	Divine when somebody is crying.
Detect Secret Doors	Detect Secret Cores	Illuminates weak spots on constructs and undead as 'flashing red points', permitting critical hits for 1 round/level. Shoot the core!
Detect Snares and Pits	Detect Hairy Armpits	Locates armpit hair and how much of it is on targets in sight.
Detect Thoughts	Eject Thoughts	Thought bubbles of what the caster is thinking are constantly ejected out of their head for 1 minute/level. This can lead to embarrassment.
Detect Undead	Detect Unclad	Detects existence of naked creatures.
Dictum	Victim	The next attack, regardless of origin, may end up affecting the caster (of this spell) instead of the target; there is a 50% chance of this happening.
Dimension Door	Detention Door	As dimension door, but the caster is delayed for 1d4 rounds; upon arrival, the caster complains they were sent to a school detention in some unknown plane.
Dimensional Anchor	Dimensional News Anchor	Summon an outsider from a random plane, who proceeds to tell you the current events and news of the outsider's home plane.
Dimensional Lock	Dimensional Sock	Summons a ghost touch sap to attack with. The sap is enchanted to deal twice the damage that it usually does. It lasts for 24 hours before vanishing.
Diminish Plants	Diminish Pants	Cause target pants to shrink.
Discern Lies	Discern Eyes	Even in complete darkness, you can always see the eyes of others.
Discern Location	Discern Rotation	Able to tell what angle you're pointing relative to north.
Disguise Self	Disguise Elf	Disguises you as an elf, if you are not one. If you are, you are disguised as a Keebler Elf instead.
Disintegrate	Dissin' Great	Make an Intimidate check with a +20 bonus. The shaken effect lasts for 1 round/level if you succeed.
Dismissal	Dis Missile	Conjures a magic rocket which shoots at the target in a fit of Brooklyn rage, dealing 1d6 fire and 1d6 sonic damage per caster level, up to 10d6 for each.
Dispel Chaos	Expel Chaos	All chaotic beings are pushed back 60'.
Dispel Evil	Expel Evil	All evil beings are pushed back 60'.
Dispel Good	Expel Good	All good beings are pushed back 60'.
Dispel Law	Expel Law	All lawful beings are pushed back 60'.
Dispel Magic	Excel Magic	For 1 round, all magic cast in a 60' emanation from caster is at +1 caster level.
Dispel Magic, Greater	Excel Magic, Greater	For 1d4+1 rounds, all magic cast in a 60' emanation from caster is at +1 caster level.
Displacement	Displacement (Broke)	Moves the caster to a random nearby location.
Disrupt Undead	Disrupt Unclad	As Disrupt Undead, but against naked creatures.
Disrupting Weapon	Disruptive Weapon	Weapon can now speak and often interrupts conversations with banal commentary.
Divination	Divvy Nation	A map appears with the local land divided between two factions marked on the map, such as conservative vs liberal areas or male and female population. The groups may or may not be related to your question.
Divine Favor	Divine Flavor	Apply an irresistible seasoning to something edible, causing the subject to want more.
Divine Power	Divine Flour	Conjures Divine Flour, used for making Divine Bread.
Dominate Animal	Denominate Animal	A title is given to the target animal. Whenever that animal is being spoken from now on, about it is addressed with the title. For instance: "We must strike down the wild Mr. Owlbear!"
Dominate Monster	Denominate Monster	As Denominate Animal, but with any creature.
Dominate Person	Denominate Person	As with Denominate Animal, but only with humanoids.
Doom	Boom	The target is subject to an explosion on their head.
Dream	Dream (Broke)	You fall asleep and have a vivid, if useless, dream.
Warped Spells E-H
Table: Warped Spells (E)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Eagle’s Splendor	Eagle Spender	An eagle appears, takes 10% of your gold, leaves and returns with a bought random item worth 1000g or less.
Eagle’s Splendor, Mass	Eagle Spender, Mass	Same as Eagle Spender, but buys items for everyone targeted.
Earthquake	Earthcake	The ground becomes soft and moist, fall damage reduced by 10 ft. The ground is chocolate flavor.
Elemental Swarm	Mental Swarm	A swarm of tiny flying brains is summoned, treat as a Locust Swarm with the additional effect of stripping away the lowest level spell available on contact (and gaining 5 hp from it each time).
Endure Elements	Enduring Elements	The environment you cast this in persists in effecting you for 24 hours, even if you move elsewhere, such as from a hot desert to a cold snowfield.
Energy Drain	Energy Rain	Force energy rains down in a cylinder-shaped area.
Enervation	Nervousin'	Target becomes paranoid, taking a −2 penalty on all rolls, but gaining a +2 dodge bonus to AC.
Enlarge Person	Engorge Person	Target grows grotesquely fat, −4 Dex, −2 to attack, speed dropped in half, but +2 natural armor.
Enlarge Person, Mass	Engorge Person, Mass	As Engorge Person, but affects multiple targets.
Entangle	Ent Angle	All treants, ents, and other plant creatures are given a new angle — prone if standing, standing if prone — with no save.
Enthrall	Ent Thrall	As dominate monster on treants, ents, and other plant creatures, no save.
Entropic Shield	Tropic Shield	The temperature within 10 ft. of you is always 80 degrees and humid. It makes you resist cold effects by 50%, but you take double damage from Swarms and poison saves are at a −2 penalty.
Erase	Erase (Broke)	The spell erases itself from the caster's spell book if possible.
Ethereal Jaunt	Ethereal Joint	All your joints go ethereal, giving you a disturbing 'Rayman' set of floating limbs with no connection to your torso.
Etherealness	Ether Realness	Rather than go ethereal, any ethereal creatures in a 90 ft. area become corporeal.
Expeditious Retreat	Expeditious Defeat	You lose the will to fight; all attacks do minimum damage.
Explosive Runes	Explosive Runs	Target which reads the rune must make a Fort save or be nauseated for 1d4 rounds. A second Fort save is made to see if they also (ahem) embarrassed themselves right there.
Eyebite	I Bite	Gain a bite attack.
Table: Warped Spells (F)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Fabricate	Fabricate (Broke)	Able to make up a lie on the spot with a +30 bonus to Bluff.
Faerie Fire	Faerie Fire (Broke)	Launches an angry pixie like an arrow at the enemy.
False Life	False Wife	Conjures a woman who claims to be your wife, but isn't.
False Vision	False Vision (Broke)	The colors seen by the caster go very wonky, becoming all sorts of different shades... red to blue, green to yellow, purple to green... you are stunned for one round as your mind tries to adjust. Lasts 24 hours.
Fear	Hear	Gain +10 to Listen checks for 5 rounds.
Feather Fall	Feather Fall (Broke)	Conjures feathers in mid-air which fall down slowly.
Feeblemind	Beaglemind	As Feeblemind, but also with uncontrollable barking. Prevents spellcasting with vocal components.
Find the Path	Find the Bath	Locate the nearest bathing area.
Find Traps	Find Tarps	Locate the nearest tarp.
Finger of Death	Finger of Meth	Save vs euphoric helplessness.
Fire Seeds	Fire Seeds (Broke)	Launches seeds at the enemy, dealing 1 point of damage.
Fire Shield	Fire Healed	The next fire attack which hits the target heals them instead of damaging them.
Fire Storm	Fire Warm	Looks like Fire Storm but deals no damage, actually quite comfortable. Melts ice and negates cold effects.
Fire Trap	Fire Strap	Summons a burning strip of leather, acting as a Flaming Sap +1. It lasts for 1 minute/level.
Fireball	Fire Bale	Instead of a ball of burning hell, appears as a ball of burning hay.
Flame Arrow	Lame Arrow	Fires a tiny carrot-shaped Flame Arrow which does 1 point of fire damage and pops with a cute noise.
Flame Blade	Flame Braid	As normal, but composed of flaming braided hair.
Flame Strike	Flame Strike (Broke)	For 24 hours, no fire spells work for you; upon attempting to cast one, a fire elemental appears to inform you they're on strike.
Flaming Sphere	Flaming Fear	For 1 round/level, caster must make a Will save every time he sees fire, DC 20, or be shaken out of fear for as long as the fire exists and 1 round later.
Flare	Flair	Your actions are breathtaking, giving +2 to Cha-based skill checks.
Flesh to Stone	Flesh to Bone	Turns the subject into a skeleton powered by positive energy. They are considered a construct in this state until fixed and cannot be healed when damaged.
Fly	Fly (Broke)	Summons a housefly to annoy you for the spell duration.
Floating Disk	Floating Desk	As Floating Disk, but in desk format, solid, material, mundane (save levitating), and wooden.
Fog Cloud	Frog Cloud	A swarm of floating frogs obscures vision.
Forbiddance	Forbid Dance	All allies in area are prevented from dancing, immune to dancing spells.
Forcecage	Force Cake	The spell forces cake into the target's mouth, reducing his action tally to single move actions and making him lose his Dex bonus to AC.
Forceful Hand	Force Full Hand	Target's free hands are filled with random useless items, which are unable to be dropped.
Foresight	Four Sight	Gain 360 degree vision. Cannot be flanked.
Fox’s Cunning	Rock's Cunning	Gain −4 Int penalty.
Fox’s Cunning, Mass	Rock's Cunning, Mass	As Rock's Cunning, but affects multiple creatures.
Freedom	Free Dumb	The spell works, but frees the body and soul, but not their mind, leaving them in a coma with an Int of 0.
Freedom of Movement	Freedom of Movement (Broke)	Nearest jailed political rabblerousers in 1 mile/caster level are freed.
Freezing Sphere	Freezing Fear	For 1 round/level, caster must make a Will save every time he sees ice or extreme coldness, DC 20, or be shaken out of fear for as long as the source of cold exists and 1 round later.
Table: Warped Spells (G)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Gaseous Form	Gassy Form	The caster is host of unpleasant, embarrassing, and uncontrollable gas for the rest of the day.
Gate	Gate (Broke)	Creates non-magical wooden gate. Could actually be used on a wall.
Geas/Quest	Geese Quest	The Geas/Quest is always "gather 100 geese and bring them here".
Geas, Lesser	Geese Quest, Lesser	As Geese Quest, but only 50 geese.
Gentle Repose	Gentle Repose (Broke)	Gently poses the corpse into a new position.
Ghost Sound	Ghost Hound	Summons a noisy but harmless ghost dog, which besides bark, is invisible and leaves no mark of its existence.
Ghoul Touch	Ghoul Torch	Ignites an undead creature, causing 3d6 fire damage and a Reflex save to continue burning for 1d6 damage each round not saved. Does not work on the living.
Giant Vermin	Giant Vermin (Broke)	The spell works as normal, but the creatures continue to grow a size category a round, until they run out of space, or they grow past colossal. In either case, the creature collapses under its own weight and dies.
Glibness	Gripness	Grants you +30 to Climb checks, and you may take 10 in stressful situations.
Glitterdust	Litterdust	The ground is covered with various litter and trash, but no major effect beyond a messy floor.
Globe of Invulnerability	Globe of Invulnerability (Broke)	Conjures an globe of the world which is immune to level 4 spells or lesser.
Globe of Invulnerability, Lesser	Globe of Invulnerability, Lesser (Broke)	As Globe of Invulnerability (Broke), but only 3rd level or lower.
Glyph of Warding	Glyph of Wadding	The glyph, when triggered, fires a spitball at the target's face, with a BAB equal to caster level + spell level. No damage, just gross.
Glyph of Warding, Greater	Glyph of Wadding, Greater	As Glyph of Wadding, but this time it is a person-sized spitball from the heavens, which deals 20d6 nonlethal damage.
Goodberry	Godberry	Berry is treated as Awakened and given Divine rank 0, immediately vanished for Outer Planes and lost.
Good Hope	Good Hop	You suddenly jump straight up as if you rolled a 20 on a Jump check while running.
Grasping Hand	Gasping Hand	A mouth grows on the caster's hand. It has a random personality and gasps and wheezes a lot. It lasts for 24 hours.
Grease	Crease	Creases the clothing of all party members. No actual damage.
Guards and Wards	Guards Are Ward	Summons 2d4 guards who was Warriors, level 1d4. All, oddly, are named Ward.
Guidance	Guide Dance	Control the flow of a dance or, in balls, the next music played.
Gust of Wind	Gust of Wine	A torrent of wine of your choice comes barreling out, with the same effect as Gust of Wind, plus soaking the targets and they must make a Reflex save, DC 10, or ingest enough to become mildly intoxicated. -1 to all abilities.
Table: Warped Spells (H)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Hallow	Hollow	Empty the contents of a full container.
Hallucinatory Terrain	Hallucinogenic Terrain	All those who can see the landscape must save or be confused each round.
Halt Undead	Hat Undead	All undead in an area gain random and stylish hats, even incorporeal undead (as a Ghost Touch hat).
Harm	Ham	As Harm, but leaves the smell of meat and if slained by Ham, turns the target into a ham.
Haste	Taste	The subject becomes tastier. Creatures which bite the subject now favor that target for further biting.
Heal	Teal	Subject and subject's items turns teal-colored.
Heal, Mass	Teal, Mass	As Teal, but to several targets.
Heal Mount	Heat Mount	Not really useful, unless your mount is freezing to death...
Heat Metal	Heal Metal	Act as a healing spell which works on metal objects and constructs, repairing them.
Helping Hand	Helping Hand (Broke)	Force hand aids in mundane boring tasks, like chores, cleaning, or homework.
Heroes’ Feast	Heroes' Fast	As Heroes' Feast, but intensified. All get hungry and bonuses last until they eat or 24 hours, whatever is less.
Heroism	Aneurysm	Caster gets an aneurysm, making them dazed for one round. A Fort save is needed to avoid being sickened for 1d4 days in addition to the dazing.
Heroism, Greater	Aneurysm, Greater	As Aneurysm, but the Fort save is vs death. Even on a successful save you are sickened for 1d4 days.
Hide from Animals	Hide from Animals (Broke)	Conjure the prepared skin of a random animal.
Hide from Undead	Hide from Undead (Broke)	Conjure the prepared skin of a random undead (eww).
Hideous Laughter	Hideous Slaughter	Save vs laugh yourself to death, 3d6 on a save from sides splitting open.
Hold Animal	Hold Animal (Broke)	Teleports target animal into your arms.
Hold Monster	Hold Monster (Broke)	Teleports target monster into your arms.
Hold Monster, Mass	Hold Monster, Mass (Broke)	Teleports all target monsters into your arms. You're likely crushed and pinned.
Hold Person	Hold Person (Broke)	Teleports target person into your arms.
Hold Person, Mass	Hold Person, Mass (Broke)	Teleports all target people into your arms. You're likely crushed and pinned.
Holy Aura	Holly Aura	Festive illusionary holly leaves and sparkles orbit around the target, which look real pretty but don't do anything.
Holy Smite	Holy Smile	Target struck cannot stop smiling for 1 round/level. They have difficulty casting spells with vocal components from smiling and suffer 20% spell failure.
Holy Sword	Holey Sword	Gains Holy Sword but holes open in it, halving the weapon's hp for the duration.
Holy Word	Holy Word (Broke)	A holy word such as "Amen" appears as printed text over your head for a round, complete with AIM 'ding' noise. No other effect.
Horrid Wilting	Horrid Kilting	All targets are wearing kilts, save vs humiliation (as fear). If the save fails another save vs die from embarrassment.
Hypnotic Pattern	Hypnotic Patina	As normal, but the creatures are fascinated by watching one of your metal objects slowly rust. At the end of the spell said metal item in your possession halves its hp and gains a -2 to attack and damage if a weapon, or a -1 Dex and +1 AC penalty if armor. Other item damages may vary.
Hypnotism	Dipnoidism	Makes caster dipnoid (possessing both lungs and gills).
Warped Spells I-L
Table: Warped Spells (I)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Ice Storm	Eyes Storm	A gruesome rain of eyes, dealing 3d6 negative and save vs nausea.
Identify	Dentify	Damages the target item by half its hp, causing dents to cover its surface and chunks deformed and chipped.
Illusory Script	Illusory Ripped	Illusion makes the page look shredded and worn, barely held together. The text is largely unreadable, adding +20 to the DC to decipher it.
Illusory Wall	Illusory Hall	Just like ACME, forms a hall or passage on a wall which isn't really there.
Imbue with Spell Ability	Imbue With Spelling Ability	Target immune to Misspell, +5 bonus to Truename Magic.
Implosion	Wimplosion	As Implosion but a weaksauce version, with a save vs mild discomfort instead of death, causing you to be dazed for 1 round.
Imprisonment	Imprison Men	Acts as imprisonment, but only works on male targets.
Incendiary Cloud	Incendiary Clown'd	Summons a burning clown who runs around a 20 ft. area laughing and screaming, forcing Reflex saves or be set on fire.
Inflict Critical Wounds	Predict Critical Wounds	Roll 4d8 +1 point per caster level (maximum +20) as normal, but the character may choose to avoid another source of damage equal or lesser to the result of this spell. This spell does not deal damage, it actually ends up protecting against it.
Inflict Critical Wounds, Mass	Predict Critical Wounds, Mass	As Predict Critical Wounds.
Inflict Light Wounds	Predict Light Wounds	As Predict Critical Wounds, but 1d8 +1 (maximum +5).
Inflict Light Wounds, Mass	Predict Light Wounds, Mass	As Predict Light Wounds.
Inflict Minor Wounds	Predict Minor Wounds	As Predict Critical Wounds, but only 1 point of damage protected against.
Inflict Moderate Wounds	Predict Moderate Wounds	As Predict Critical Wounds, but 2d8 +1 (maximum +10).
Inflict Moderate Wounds, Mass	Predict Moderate Wounds, Mass	As Predict Moderate Wounds.
Inflict Serious Wounds	Predict Serious Wounds	As Predict Critical Wounds, but 3d8 +1 (maximum +15).
Inflict Serious Wounds, Mass	Predict Serious Wounds, Mass	As Predict Serious Wounds.
Insanity	Sanity	Target becomes immune to confusion and insanity, dispels confusion and insanity (and vice versa).
Insect Plague	Insect Vague	As normal, but the spell is a Illusion (Shadow) spell which allows a will save (which negates). If not negated the bugs are treated as having Blur cast on them.
Instant Summons	Instant Simmons	Summons a health instructor, if you work out with him for 1 hour you gain +4 Str, Dex, and Con for 24 hours.
Interposing Hand	Posing Hand	Hand attempts to grapple target, forcing them into odd poses. Target is considered pinned, but caster must use a move action to maintain the pin (directing them into a new pose).
Invisibility	Indivisibility	Target and target's items cannot be vorpal'd or sundered until you attack.
Invisibility, Greater	Indivisibility, Greater	As Indivisibility, but regardless if you attack.
Invisibility, Mass	Indivisibility, Mass	As Indivisibility, but to several.
Invisibility Purge	Indivisibility Purge	Anything immune to sundering or vorpal now are vulnerable.
Invisibility Sphere	Indivisibility Sphere	As Indivisibility, but in a spherical zone.
Iron Body	Iron Body (Broke)	Take 2d6 damage from steam, but all clothes are clean and pressed.
Ironwood	Iron Wood	Removes wrinkles from wood with steaming magic iron.
Irresistible Dance	Irresistible Dense	Target gains DR 10/adamantine, weight increases by ×4, and they are limited to 5 ft. movements, and are considered Slowed.
Table: Warped Spells (J)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Jump	Jump (Broke)	Pass a Will save or be shaken for one round.
Table: Warped Spells (K)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Keen Edge	Clean Edge	Your weapon is never dirty.
Knock	Knock (Broke)	All doors in 100 ft. of the caster are knocked upon.
Know Direction	No Direction	You immediately forget which way is north, curse lasts for 24 hours. Countered by Know Direction.
Table: Warped Spells (L)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Legend Lore	Legend Lure	Start up a false local legend as gossip in the area.
Levitate	Level Eight	You rise or fall to level 8, adding positive levels or negative levels as needed.
Light	Light (Broke)	Enchanted item or subject weights half as much for the duration.
Lightning Bolt	Lightening Bolt	Those struck by the bolt are a shade lighter in color.
Limited Wish	Limited Fish	As Limited Wish, but all wishes are fish related and corrupt.
Liveoak	Livecloak	Gives sentience and animation to any cloak you are wearing. It continues to give any benefits, but is free willed. DM's, have fun choosing the personality of the new intelligent item.
Locate Creature	Locate Creature (Broke)	Locates the next nearest living creature.
Locate Object	Locate Reject	Locate the nearest failure of a person, from the town fool to the drunken bum outside the tavern.
Longstrider	Longslider	As Longstrider, but all movement is done by sliding around unnaturally.
Lullaby	Lure A Buy	Target succumbs to a temptation to go shopping right now, as per a Suggestion spell.
Warped Spells M-P
Table: Warped Spells (M)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Mage Armor	Mage's Amour	Spellcasters of the opposite sex find you attractive, acts as charm monster for any interacting with you.
Mage Hand	Mage Hand (Broke)	Summons the hand of another mage for the duration of the spell. (It is then safely returned to its owner.)
Mage's Disjunction	Mage's Conjunction	Those in the area are affected as if hit by quick-setting sovereign glue.
Mage's Faithful Hound	Mage's Faithless Hound	As Faithful Hound, until it gets within 5 ft., at which point it whimpers, turns, and flees as far as it can.
Mage's Lucubration	Mage's Lubrication	Body is Greased and unable to be grappled, but it's hard to walk, DC 10 Balance check when moving.
Mage's Magnificent Mansion	Mage's Magnificent Man	Summons "the perfect man". Women will adore him, men will be envious. Lasts for 1 hour.
Mage's Private Sanctum	Mage's Private Snack'um	Summons some delicious snacks; mysteriously, no one spots you eating them.
Mage's Sword	Mage's Word	Assign a word. For 1 min./level, anyone who speaks that word takes 3d6 nonlethal damage, no save.
Magic Aura	Magic Aurora	At nighttime, the Northern Lights will appear.
Magic Circle Against Chaos	Magic Circle Condensed Chaos	Spell has opposite effect, applying bonuses to enemies and penalties to you where applicable.
Magic Circle Against Evil	Magic Circle Condensed Evil	Spell has opposite effect, applying bonuses to enemies and penalties to you where applicable.
Magic Circle Against Good	Magic Circle Condensed Good	Spell has opposite effect, applying bonuses to enemies and penalties to you where applicable.
Magic Circle Against Law	Magic Circle Condensed Law	Spell has opposite effect, applying bonuses to enemies and penalties to you where applicable.
Magic Fang	Magic Fan	Generate a Moderate Wind (11-20 mph) in a 60ft cone from you for the spell duration.
Magic Fang, Greater	Magic Fan, Greater	As Magic Fan, but Severe Wind (31-50 mph).
Magic Jar	Magic Jar (Broke)	Enchants a jar as if it were a target for Greater Magic Weapon, jar gains 100 hp.
Magic Missile	Maggot Missile	As magic missile, but 1d3+1 damage and save vs sickened.
Magic Mouth	Magic Moth	Summons a moth with a taste for magical clothes, otherwise harmless.
Magic Stone	Magic Stoned	Caster is in a drugged stupor; –2 Str, Dex, Con, and Int, but +4 Wis.
Magic Vestment	Magic Investment	Sacrifice between 100 to 1000 gold, then roll d%. 1-50 is up to 50% percent loss, 51-100 is up to 50% percent gained. You may wait and roll every day to see if it grows.
Magic Weapon	Magic Apron	Summons a magic apron which grants the spell bonus on Craft (Cooking) checks.
Magic Weapon, Greater	Magic Apron, Greater	As Magic Apron, with greater bonuses as Greater Magic Weapon usually has.
Major Creation	Major Cremation	Your item appears and immediately bursts into flames, even if it can't burn, dealing 3d6 fire to those who touch it. It burns to ash in 1 round.
Major Image	Major Age	Subject appears to age 2d10 years. Will save or take the appropriate penalties and bonuses.
Make Whole	Make Hole	Punches a round hole in the target.
Mark of Justice	Mark of Just Ice	Glyph made of mundane ice appears on target, no other effect.
Maze	Maize	Target is beaten with ears of corn, 1d6 per caster level (max 20d6).
Meld into Stone	Mold into Stone	Turn into a surface-covering fungus when attempting to enter stone.
Mending	Ending	Acts as Dispel Magic against effects with durations.
Message	Massage	Useless, but very comfortable for you.
Meteor Swarm	Meatier Swarm	As Meteor Swarm, but with meat. Damage die is one less, but Grease effect is applied.
Mind Blank	Mind Blank (Broke)	As normal, but you constantly forget what you were doing for the duration.
Mind Fog	Mind Frog	Constant ribbit noises in the heads of those in the area force concentration checks.
Minor Creation	Miner Creation	Summons a dwarven miner who will dig for you.
Minor Image	Miner Image	An illusionary dwarven miner appears, hard at work.
Miracle	Miracle (Broke)	The next time someone says 'we'd need a miracle' or similar phrase, an invincible white horse, with invincible chariot if required, named Miracle appears to help you escape or move to a more favorable position. Treat as a Phantom Steed, maximum power.
Mirage Arcana	Rage Arcana	All arcane casters, ally or enemy, in 100 ft. go into a barbarian rage, no save.
Mirror Image	Mirror Image (Broke)	Conjures an illusionary mirror.
Misdirection	Miss Direction	Randomly roll to see which direction you head when you try to move.
Mislead	Misread	Character must succeed on a DC 30 Int check whenever they attempt to read, otherwise they misread it. Treat as a curse.
Mnemonic Enhancer	Mnemonic Enchanter	As Mnemonic Enhancer, but only with Enchantment spells.
Modify Memory	Moldify Memory	Certain memories targeted become difficult to remember, requiring a DC 20 Wisdom check to recall. You cannot take 20.
Moment of Prescience	Moment of Science	You may gain a +25 bonus on the next task which requires a knowledge check or operating a device like a trap. Does not work with other rolls.
Mount	Mound	The earth rises under the caster, making a mound.
Move Earth	Mauve Earth	Targeted earth turns mauve colored.
Mummify	Mommify	The target becomes pregnant. This is identical to usual impregnation and lasts for the duration of their race's gestation period. When cast on a male, it has no effect.
Table: Warped Spells (N)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Neutralize Poison	Neutrality Poison	As the spell poison, but only works on neutral alignments (TN, NG, NE, CN, and LN).
Nightmare	Nightmare (Broke)	Caster falls asleep and has a nightmare.
Nondetection	Nundetection	Detect any female clerics or nuns within 1 mile.
Table: Warped Spells (O)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Obscure Object	Obscure Object (Broke)	Creates a 1-pound item of indiscernible purpose.
Obscuring Mist	Curing Mist	Those inside the mist heal 1d8 points of damage a round.
Open/Close	Open, Close	Works as normal, but reverts 1 second later.
Order's Wrath	Odor's Wrath	Release a terrible smell like Stinking Cloud.
Overland Flight	Overland Light	The sky for 1 mile around the caster is illuminated and glowing neon bright, as a Daylight spell.
Owl's Wisdom	Owlbear's Wisdom	Your Wisdom score changes to 12, as an Owlbear's.
Owl's Wisdom, Mass	Owlbear's Wisdom, Mass	As Owlbear's Wisdom.
Table: Warped Spells (P)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Passwall	Glasswall	Turns the target wall into a glass version, in the area where the spell would normally go off.
Pass without Trace	Pass Without Face	A transparent barrier is set up. Those passing through it lose their face, which does not prevent seeing or eating but is deeply unsettling, and must be removed as a curse.
Permanency	Terminancy	A construct (treat as a random Inevitable) comes hunting down one of your party members in an attempt to kill them. It constantly refers to the unlucky target as "Sarah Conner".
Permanent Image	Permanent Mage	Makes a mage which has been summoned or created, such as through Arcane Mark (Broke), to be permanent.
Persistent Image	Persistent Mage	Calls an annoying mage cohort, whose competence and abilities are called into question. He tries to 'help' constantly with his magic, but usually does more damage. If killed, another takes his place at the next nearest opportunity. Considered a curse and can be treated as such.
Phantasmal Killer	Phantasmal Kilter	Target gains a kilt if they fail both saves, and they are under the effects of Confusion, as well as taking 3d6 sonic damage from the spontaneous sound of bagpipes. Those making the Fort save only incur the bagpipe damage.
Phantom Steed	Phantom Steel	Summon an illusory item made of steel. It can be used as normal if the target interacting with it fails their Will save.
Phantom Trap	Phantom Tarp	Forms an illusory tarp used to cover ot protect things with.
Phase Door	Haze Door	A hazy ghostly door appears, but leads nowhere.
Planar Ally	Plainer Ally	One allied character of no more than 12 Hit Dice takes -4 Charisma as they become less good-looking.
Planar Ally, Greater	Plainer Ally, Greater	As Plainer Ally, but up to 18 HD.
Planar Ally, Lesser	Plainer Ally, Lesser	As Plainer Ally, but up to 6 HD.
Planar Binding	Planar Bidding	As Planar Bidding, Lesser, but up to 88,000g value.
Planar Binding, Greater	Planar Bidding, Greater	As Planar Bidding, but up to 440,000g value.
Planar Binding, Lesser	Planar Bidding, Lesser	The called being and an extraplanar auctioneer appears. You may engage in a bidding war with the outsider to obtain the item. Item value up to 13,000g value.
Plane Shift	Plain Shift	Caster is send to the nearest plain.
Plant Growth	Pant Growth	Target pants enlarge for someone of the next size category, likely fall down.
Poison	Posin'	The target must strike a flashy pose as a standard or full round action, doing nothing but poses for 1d10 rounds. They may still move, but that is all.
Polar Ray	Solar Ray	A ray of light comes out of the caster's finger. Affects like daylight.
Polymorph	Polemorph	Transform into a pole which cannot move or act, hardness 20 with hp and size the same as target.
Polymorph Any Object	Polemorph Any Object	As Polemorph, but can be applied to anything Polymorph Any Object allows. Variations on material and hardness can also be applied.
Power Word Blind	Power Word Bland	All actions by the target take the average, taking 10 on attack rolls and skill checks and doing average damage.
Power Word Kill	Power Word Kilt	Target under 100 hp gains a kilt, causing them to cower in embarrassment, no save.
Power Word Stun	Power Word Sun	Target gets a suntan, those weak to light are affected as if exposed to bright daylight. Tan lasts for 2d4 days.
Prayer	Player	Summons a confused avatar of the PC's player, which vanishes 1d4 rounds later.
Prestidigitation	Presto! Digitation!	Applies a digital readout of the current time on the target.
Prismatic Sphere	Prismatic Sphere (Broke)	Creates a useless floating sphere, glowing in all the colors of the rainbow.
Prismatic Spray	Prism Spray	A cone of prisms is fired, dealing 1d6 slashing/bludgeoning damage per caster level, max 20d6. Leaves prism caltrops in the area afterwards.
Prismatic Wall	Prism Wall	A wall of glittering rainbow prisms glued together appears, treat as Wall of Stone. When broken, it releases prism caltrops in the area afterward.
Produce Flame	Produce Flame (Broke)	All edible plant matter catches on fire in 90 ft. area around caster.
Programmed Image	Programmed Mage	A robot mage appears who will perform one specific task for you taking no longer than 24 hours to complete. Your instructions must be exact and to the letter. The mage has the general appearance and spells of the caster, including any spells they have memorized, and has identical stats, but half the hp, Construct type, and no Con score.
Project Image	Project Mage	All spellcasters must make Will saves or be thrust away from the caster 1d8x10 feet.
Protection from Arrows	Projection of Arrows	Creates a longbow +1 which fires every round at your direction, but is a Illusion (Shadow) spell, Will negates.
Protection from Chaos	Reflection of Chaos	Any spells with the chaos subtype are reflected back at the caster.
Protection from Energy	Reflection of Energy	Any spells with the appropriate elemental subtype chosen are reflected back at the caster.
Protection from Evil	Reflection of Evil	Any spells with the evil subtype are reflected back at the caster.
Protection from Good	Reflection of Good	Any spells with the good subtype are reflected back at the caster.
Protection from Law	Reflection of Law	Any spells with the law subtype are reflected back at the caster.
Protection from Spells	Protection from Spills	The next time you spill something, it will prevent it, keeping the contents in. Permanent until discharged.
Prying Eyes	Crying Eyes	Your eyes water for 1 round/level. -2 on attack rolls.
Prying Eyes, Greater	Crying Eyes, Greater	As Crying Eyes, but to everyone in a 60 ft. emanation to the caster.
Purify Food and Drink	Pureefy Food and Drink	Food and drink are abruptly placed inside a magical container and blended into a smoothie. Drink up!
Pyrotechnics	Gyrotechnics	You can cause a person or object in motion to change motion in their next round, a Balance check vs spell DC is needed to avoid moving as desired.
Warped Spells Q-T
Table: Warped Spells (Q)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Quench	Quench (Broke)	You are no longer thirsty.
Table: Warped Spells (R)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Rage	Wage	Make a Profession check and gain your score x10 in gold.
Rainbow Pattern	Rainbow Pattern (Broke)	Clothing becomes rainbow colored; stays until dispelled.
Raise Dead	Raise Dead (Broke)	Levitates corpse 5 ft. over the ground.
Ray of Enfeeblement	Ray of Weeblement	Target automatically succeeds on Balance checks and can never fall prone, even standing after death. However they rock constantly, requiring a Dex check DC 20 or not act that round. After all, weebles wobble but they don't fall down.
Ray of Exhaustion	Ray of Exhaust	Attack causes choking and suffocation, as if in thick smoke.
Ray of Frost	Ray of 'Fros	Target gains an afro, no save.
Read Magic	Red Magic	For the next 24 hours, all magical effects are red colored.
Reduce Animal	Re-Deuce Animal	Makes a duplicate of the target animal which stays around for 1d4+1 rounds.
Reduce Person	Re-Deuce Person	As Re-Deuce Animal, but applies to humanoids only.
Reduce Person, Mass	Re-Deuce Person, Mass	As Re-Deuce Person.
Refuge	Refuse	Generates trash and litter, 1 inch high in area.
Regenerate	Degenerate	Target is inflicted with wounds opposite of regenerate, with fatigue (or exhaustion if already fatigued) being applied. If used to reattach limbs, instead one random other limb falls off.
Reincarnate	Re-Incinerate	The next fire spell which effects the target occurs to them again one round later.
Remove Blindness/Deafness	Move Blindness/Deafness	Target is cured but the Blindness/Deafness moves to the next nearest person, likely the caster, with no save.
Remove Curse	Remove Cures	Negate the healing obtained by the last healing spell.
Remove Disease	Move Disease	Target is cured but the Disease moves to the next nearest person, likely the caster, with no save.
Remove Fear	Remove Fair	Causes any fair to disperse as nearest available opportunity.
Remove Paralysis	Move Paralysis	Target is cured but the Paralysis moves to the next nearest person, likely the caster, with no save.
Repel Metal or Stone	Pastel Metal or Stone	Turns all target stone or metal into colorful easter pastel color tones.
Repel Vermin	Pastel Vermin	Turns all target vermin into colorful easter pastel color tones.
Repel Wood	Pastel Wood	Turns all target wood into colorful easter pastel color tones.
Repulsion	Repulsive	Cha score drops to one, target is so ugly those who see it must save vs Fear, DC 20.
Resilient Sphere	Resilient Ear	Your ears become as indestructible as a wall of force.
Resistance	Insistence	Target becomes unusually bold. At next nearest opportunity they try to take the spotlight in an activity no matter how frightened or incompetent they may be at it.
Resist Energy	Assist Energy	You take +10 more elemental damage when stuck with the chosen elemental type for Resist Energy.
Restoration	Rest Ration	The next time you eat a meal you are treated as having rested for 8 hours.
Restoration, Greater	Rest Ration, Greater	As Rest Ration, plus you are able to refresh any spells as if you meditated/studied/prayed for the day.
Restoration, Lesser	Rest Ration, Lesser	As Rest Ration, but does not restore hp, only removing exhaustion and fatigue.
Resurrection	Risurrection	Subject revived as a common squirrel. Racial traits are Fine size with -10 Str, +8 Dex, and no use of class abilities whatsoever, only HD. Former weapons will not fit, and it can only be removed by Limited Wish, Wish, or Miracle. However, you may Speak With Animals (Rodents) at will.
Reverse Gravity	Reverse Cavity	Any depressions or bowls in the spell range become temporary mountains and bumps of inverted size. Also fixes tooth decay.
Righteous Might	Write Us Might	Written in glowing letters appears the words "Us Might", treat as an Arcane Mark.
Rope Trick	Rope Track	Divine where this rope has been.
Rusting Grasp	Roasting Grasp	All meat touched by the caster is roasted and flavored to perfection.
Table: Warped Spells (S)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Sanctuary	Scant Airy	The air pressure drops in a 60' area around caster for 1d4 minutes. Treat as suffocating, although death is not possible, only passing out from nonlethal damage.
Scare	Care	Target becomes concerned of your well being, treat as charmed.
Scintillating Pattern	Chinchillating Pattern	As normal but all those effected appear to be giant chinchillas. No other effect.
Scorching Ray	Scorched Ray	A smoking burned manta ray appears. It's gross, but harmless.
Screen	Screen (Broke)	Summons a changing room screen for 1 hour.
Scrying	Crying	Caster begins to cry for no reason.
Scrying, Greater	Crying, Greater	As Crying, but harder to control and lasts until curse is removed.
Sculpt Sound	Scalped Sound	The painful noise of a scalping is heard.
Searing Light	Searing Blight	Only works against plants, which take 1d8 per caster level, max 10d8.
Secret Chest	Secret Chess	Summon and dismiss a chess board to and from the Astral Plane.
Secret Page	Secret Age	A commonly used female spell, you look a different age than what people assume you are.
Secure Shelter	Cure Shelter	As normal, but everyone benefits from a Cure Light Wounds spell once when entering.
See Invisibility	Seem Invisibility	You think you are invisible. You are not.
Seeming	Steaming	All targets begin to harmlessly steam off their bodies for the spell duration.
Sending	Ending	The target receives a vision of a random 'ending' to the campaign story. "And so the hero saved the princess and all was well until a meteor came and eeeeveryone died. The End."
Sepia Snake Sigil	Sepia Snake Siggy	Whenever signing your name, it always appears with a stamp of a brown snake underneath as your signature. Permanent until dispelled.
Sequester	See Quester	Identify anybody in range under the effect of Geas/Quest.
Shades	Shades (Broke)	Conjure a pair of shades, immune to gaze attacks, blinding from light, and gain +4 Cha.
Shadow Conjuration	Shallow Conjuration	Summons a blonde. :D
Shadow Conjuration, Greater	Shallow Conjuration, Greater	Summons 2d4 blondes. :D
Shadow Evocation	Shadow Vocation	You get an illusionary job, make a Will save. If you fail make a profession check as normal.
Shadow Evocation, Greater	Shadow Vocation, Greater	As Shadow Vocation, but the gold recieved if you fail your Will save is x10.
Shadow Walk	Shadow Talk	Speak to Shadows. They'll understand but can't speak back.
Shambler	Shamble	Caster walks around shuffling their feet. Move at half speed for 1 round/level.
Shapechange	Ape Change	You transform but only into the shapes of primates.
Shatter	Hatter	Create a mundane hat of your choosing on your head.
Shield	Shed	Conjures a small hut around you, providing concealment and blocking line of sight. There is no doors, but it is only 1 inch thick, 10 hp, with hardness 5.
Shield of Faith	Shield of Fate	Gain 1 luck re-roll as per the Luck Domain power.
Shield of Law	Shield of Lawl	Creatures who strike you must make a save as if they were struck by a casting of Tasha's Hideous Laughter. Can only be effected once every 24 hours.
Shield Other	Shield Mother	Your mother, if alive, is effected by Shield Other, regardless of distance or plane.
Shillelagh	Silly Laugh	Caster effected as if Hideous Laughter cast upon them.
Shocking Grasp	Shocking Gasp	GASP! Those who hear you may be startled and lose their actions for that round.
Shout	Shout (Broke)	Summons a bottle of detergent. It's very good at cleaning clothes, enough for 1d4 cleanings.
Shout, Greater	Shout, Greater (Broke)	As Shout, but the Jumbo Family size lasts you for a long time, lasting for 2d4 cleanings. :D
Shrink Item	Shrink Item (Broke)	The item becomes sentient with the spirit of a shrink, who immediately tries to psychoanalysis you. Permanent until dispelled.
Silence	Sai Lance	Summons a bizarre lance that gives +2 on disarm checks for 1 minute/caster level.
Silent Image	Silent Mage	The caster is afflicted with a Silence spell centered only on him and no others, at his caster level.
Simulacrum	Similarcrumb	As normal, but made of bread crumbs. Birds can sense the bread crumbs and may eat your copy.
Slay Living	Say Living	Target says the word "Living" if able.
Sleep	Sheep	Summons a Sleep Sheep.
Sleet Storm	1337 Storm	As normal but snow is replaced by weird magic glyphs like 'lol' and '1 r teh h@x0rz'.
Slow	Sow	Transforms the target into a pig, as per Baleful Polymorph.
Snare	Nair	Removes all of caster's hair permanently. Regeneration, lesser wish, miracle, or wish may restore the lost hair.
Soften Earth and Stone	Sofa Earth and Stone	Turns target earth and stone into a sofa.
Solid Fog	Solid Frog	Summons a Large frog made of adamantine, treat as Animated Object.
Song of Discord	Song of Disco	Disco music plays, all are effected by Irresistible Dance, even the caster.
Soul Bind	Sole Bind	Caster's feet are stuck to the ground, movement of 0 ft for 1 round/every 2 levels.
Sound Burst	Sound Wurst	Summons a bratwurst which is constantly making noise. If used as a weapon, it acts as a Sonic Thundering Club +1, dealing 1d6 bludgeoning + 1d6 sonic damage (with Thundering effect on critical hits). It only deals all nonlethal damage though.
Speak with Animals	Speak with Animals (Broke)	As per the spell, but they cannot speak back, they can only understand you.
Speak with Dead	Speak with Dad	Telepathically speak with your father, if living, anywhere on the same plane.
Speak with Plants	Speak with Pants	As Speak with Plants, but with Pants.
Spectral Hand	Spectrum Hand	Rainbow flashing ghost hand, which acts as casting of Prismatic Spray on touch. Lasts for 1d4 rounds.
Spell Immunity	Smell Immunity	Unable to smell, or be effected by oder or smoke.
Spell Immunity, Greater	Smell Immunity, Greater	As Smell Immunity, but to all allies in 90 ft.
Spell Resistance	Smell Resistance	Gain a +10 enchantment bonus to resist smell-based effects and smoke.
Spellstaff	Sellstaff	A ghostly merchant appears, who tries to convince you to sell any staffs you own to him.
Spell Turning	Spell Tuning	All musical instruments in 30 ft. emanation from you are tuned or out of tune at your desire.
Spider Climb	Spider Limb	Grow 4 spider legs from your back, giving +8 to Climb and Grapple checks. Immune to Web.
Spike Growth	Pike Growth	Any polearms in caster's possession grows one size category. Can be used without penalty, lasts for 1 hour/level.
Spike Stones	Spike Bones	Undead targets in the spell area gain the equivalent of Armor Spikes. Living targets must make a fortitude save or be wracked with pain as their bones become spiked, taking 3d6 damage and leaving them stunned for 1d4 rounds.
Spiritual Weapon	Spiritual Apron	Summons a ghostly apron which provides a +3 to Craft (cooking) checks and treats the caster's current armor, if any, as Ghost Touch armor.
Statue	Statue (Broke)	Conjures a life-size statue of caster made of stone.
Status	Stat Us	Strange papers appear to all allies, with their names and weird numbers. What is a 'character sheet' and why are we on it?
Stinking Cloud	Stinking Loud	As normal but the spell manifest from the caster with a very loud noise from the caster's bottom, and the cloud focused with them at the center.
Stone Shape	Tone Shape	Your body is physically fit, gain the Endurance feat and never grow exhausted for 1 week.
Stoneskin	Stoneskin (Broke)	As Stoneskin, but effectively petrified as rocky skin is solid and immobile.
Stone Tell	Stone Till	Turn target stone into freshly turned, farm-worthy soil.
Stone to Flesh	Bone to Flesh	Against skeletal undead, turns them into zombies. Against the living, their body loses form and they collapse, with a Dex of 0, and helpless until cured.
Storm of Vengeance	Store of Vengeance	Summons a store kiosk, who is willing to sell you a variety of revenge-worthy weapons, poisons, and other items.
Suggestion	Suggest Shun	Subject becomes immune to Suggestion spells for 24 hours.
Suggestion, Mass	Suggest Shun, Mass	As Suggest Shun.
Summon Instrument	Someone's Instrument	As normal but the instrument belongs to someone. It has a 20% chance that the angry owner has the means to track you down to take it back.
Summon Monster I	Summon Mobster I	Summons a level 2 Warrior human with a 'tommygun' which does 1d6 damage, 20/x3 crit, and acts as a heavy crossbow otherwise.
Summon Monster II	Summon Mobster II	Summons a level 4 Warrior human with a 'tommygun' which does 2d6 damage, 20/x3 crit, and acts as a heavy crossbow otherwise.
Summon Monster III	Summon Mobster III	Summons a level 6 Warrior human with a 'tommygun' which does 3d6 damage, 20/x3 crit, and acts as a heavy crossbow otherwise.
Summon Monster IV	Summon Mobster IV	Summons a level 8 Warrior human with a 'tommygun' which does 4d6 damage, 20/x3 crit, and acts as a heavy crossbow otherwise.
Summon Monster V	Summon Mobster V	Summons a level 10 Warrior human with a 'tommygun' which does 5d6 damage, 20/x3 crit, and acts as a heavy crossbow otherwise.
Summon Monster VI	Summon Mobster VI	Summons a level 12 Warrior human with a 'tommygun' which does 6d6 damage, 20/x3 crit, and acts as a heavy crossbow otherwise.
Summon Monster VII	Summon Mobster VII	Summons a level 14 Warrior human with a 'tommygun' which does 7d6 damage, 20/x3 crit, and acts as a heavy crossbow otherwise.
Summon Monster VIII	Summon Mobster VIII	Summons a level 16 Warrior human with a 'tommygun' which does 8d6 damage, 20/x3 crit, and acts as a heavy crossbow otherwise.
Summon Monster IX	Summon Mobster IX	Summons a level 18 Warrior human with a 'tommygun' which does 9d6 damage, 20/x3 crit, and acts as a heavy crossbow otherwise.
Summon Nature's Ally I	Summon Natural I	No summon appears, instead your next roll is guaranteed to be a 1.
Summon Nature's Ally II	Summon Natural II	No summon appears, instead your next roll is guaranteed to be a 2.
Summon Nature's Ally III	Summon Natural III	No summon appears, instead your next roll is guaranteed to be a 3.
Summon Nature's Ally IV	Summon Natural IV	No summon appears, instead your next roll is guaranteed to be a 4.
Summon Nature's Ally V	Summon Natural V	No summon appears, instead your next roll is guaranteed to be a 5.
Summon Nature's Ally VI	Summon Natural VI	No summon appears, instead your next roll is guaranteed to be a 6.
Summon Nature's Ally VII	Summon Natural VII	No summon appears, instead your next roll is guaranteed to be a 7.
Summon Nature's Ally VIII	Summon Natural VIII	No summon appears, instead your next roll is guaranteed to be a 8.
Summon Nature's Ally IX	Summon Natural IX	No summon appears, instead your next roll is guaranteed to be a 9.
Summon Swarm	Summon Warm	Summons a 'Warm Elemental' who is not very useful for offense.
Sunbeam	Some Bean	Conjures some beans which are delicious, and can feed you for 1 day. May cause gas later.
Sunburst	Sunburst (Broke)	Everyone in Long Range to the caster makes a Will save, or believes the sun abruptly goes POP and vanishes, plunging the land into darkness and cold. And illusion spell.
Symbol of Death	Symbol of Meth	As normal, but save vs euphoric helplessness instead of save vs die.
Symbol of Fear	Symbol of Ear	Looks like a glyph of an ear. Everyone gets +10 to Listen checks in the area.
Symbol of Insanity	Symbol of Sanity	As Symbol of Insanity with opposite effect, clearing up Confusion and Insanity.
Symbol of Pain	Symbol of Pane	Subject trapped as by Forcecage, but the cage is glass and can be shattered as normal.
Symbol of Persuasion	Symbol of Dissuasion	A symbol that dissuades viewers from approaching it, completely counteracting its intended purpose.
Symbol of Sleep	Symbol of Slope	Changes the ground orientation of the plane by 20 degrees, making him have to walk upwards no matter what side the caster faces.
Symbol of Stunning	Symbol of Sunning	Targets act as if effected by Sunburst, and gain a great tan.
Symbol of Weakness	Symbol of Weekends	Targets are convinced it is the weekend, regardless of the day.
Sympathetic Vibration	Some Pathetic Vibration	As normal, but minimum damage.
Sympathy	Symphony	Caster can discern the location of and distance to the nearest symphony. Caster also discerns the number of people in attendance and what is currently being played.
Table: Warped Spells (T)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Telekinesis	Telephone Sis	A strange device called a 'telephone' appears in your hands. It rings, allowing you to speak with your sister, or someone claiming to be her if you lack one. Conversation is as normal, though your actual sister will never recall this 'telephone' or your conversation.
Telekinetic Sphere	Telekinetic Fear	For 1 round/level cast must make a Will save every time he sees things moving about magically, DC 20, or be shaken out of fear for as long as the animation exists and 1 round later.
Telepathic Bond	Telepathic Blonde	As Telepathic Bond, but all those effected become blonde, or grow blonde hair.
Teleport	Telepot	As teleport, but you only appear in large kettles, jars, and other such items.
Teleport Object	Teleport Objection	Caster cannot be teleported by any means, and prevents teleporting within 30 ft. of caster.
Teleport, Greater	Telepot	As Telepot with less error.
Teleportation Circle	Teleportation Sure-Kill	The teleport pad leads somewhere undeniably dangerous like into a volcano.
Temporal Stasis	Temporary Stasis	As normal, but only 1 round/level instead.
Time Stop	Time Spot	Able to identify any warps in time. Time Stop still stops you but you are aware of the stopped time.
Tiny Hut	Tiny Mutt	Summons a Tiny-sized friendly dog for the spell duration.
Tongues	Tongs	Conjure magical tongs made of force.
Touch of Fatigue	Touch of Fatty	The target bloats, granting them +1 natural armor but cutting their speed in half and giving –4 to their Dex score.
Touch of Idiocy	Torch of Idiocy	If the target has a lower Int score than you, they burst into flames and take 1d6 damage (and an additional 1d6 per round if failing a Reflex save). If you are the lesser Int you burst into flames instead.
Transformation	Transportation	Summons a random form of transportation, such as a carriage, complete with driver willing to take you to a location. For some reason it is yellow and says "Taxi", with a metal plate in back that says "FRESH".
Transmute Metal to Wood	Transmute Mental to Food	Think of food. It's there! :D
Transmute Mud to Rock	Transmute Mud to Roc	Turns the target mud into a Roc, who may not be friendly.
Transmute Rock to Mud	Transmute Rock to Cud	Target rock turns into sticky, gross, chewed plant matter. It smells like cow.
Transport via Plants	Transport Via Pants	As normal, but through pants. You can use your own, but will appear without pants on the other side.
Trap the Soul	Trap the Sole	Target is unable to move and becomes flat-footed instead of the intended effect, as their feet are glued to the floor. Permanent until dispelled.
Tree Shape	Tree Shape (Broke)	Forms the shape of a tree but does not turn into one. Instead, your body simply distorts appropriately. It looks very grotesque but does not harm the caster.
Tree Stride	Tree Ride	Summons a treant who cannot attack, but can carry you and be ridden.
True Resurrection	Two Resurrection	As normal, but also revives an 'evil clone' of the target, and they immediately fight it out.
True Seeing	Trucing	The caster makes a Diplomacy check at a +30 bonus to stop the fighting.
True Strike	Two Strike	You can make an additional strike at your full attack bonus, but no bonus to hit.
Warped Spells U-Z
Table: Warped Spells (U)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Undeath to Death	Undeaf to Deaf	As the spell, but it works on the living and deafens them instead of slays them.
Undetectable Alignment	Undetectable Eloignment	Transports the caster 100 ft. away in any direction, makes them invisible as per the spell, and leaves an illusion of the caster in his place. Treat as Mislead, crossed with Dimension Door.
Unhallow	Unhollow	Reverse of Hollow, fills up an empty container with dust.
Unholy Aura	Unholy Flora	All plants and plant creatures in 60 ft. burst around caster gain the Evil subtype.
Unholy Blight	Unholy Light	As the Daylight spell, but good-aligned creatures act as if light-sensitive and are dazzled.
Unseen Servant	Insane Servant	As normal, but the Servant acts as if Confused, and does random activities.
Table: Warped Spells (V)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Vampiric Touch	Vampiric Torch	Touch attack sets vampires on fire.
Veil	Veal	As Veil, but illusion displays party members as floating trays of cooked veal.
Ventriloquism	Vent Criticism	For the next 24 hours, you must make a Will save against this spell or criticize anything you encounter, which can get you in trouble.
Virtue	Invert'chu	Target is flipped upside-down onto their head.
Vision	Revision	The spell works as normal, but the data you receive has been edited noticeably for political correctness, language, and creative license.
Table: Warped Spells (W)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Wail of the Banshee	Mail of the Banshee	In 2d4 days, a letter arrives to the target which says 'Whaaaa' and slays them.
Wall of Fire	Wall of Fliers	A wall of paper advertisements for various places appears. It provides cover but is useless, with a break DC of 1, 1 hp, and no hardness.
Wall of Force	Wall of Farce	It seems to be a Wall of Force, but it can be broken with a DC 20 Str check.
Wall of Ice	Wall of Mice	Barrier of levitating mice deal piercing damage via bites, treat as Wall of Thorns.
Wall of Iron	Wall of Irons	A metal steaming wall deals damage as if a Wall of Fire, but as solid and unpassable as a Wall of Iron.
Wall of Stone	Wall of Toner	A black powdery wall which provides concealment, but can be passed through. Doing so, however, randomly changes your colors as a Prestidigitation effect.
Wall of Thorns	Wall of Corns	Wall is composed of ears of corn, slowing movement to 5 ft. and providing concealment. If struck with over 10 points of fire damage, they pop, dealing 1d4 nonlethal damage and covering the ground in a 20 ft. radius, giving −20 to Move Silently checks.
Warp Wood	Warp Wood (Broke)	Target wood goes into hyperspeed, shifting to another planet or plane.
Water Breathing	Water Bathing	The water around you gets sudsy, and all your items are cleaned.
Water Walk	Water Talk	As Stone Tell, but to a body of water.
Waves of Exhaustion	Waves of Exhaust	Waves of smoke emanate, choking and suffocating its victims.
Waves of Fatigue	Waves of Fatty	All targets bloat, gaining +1 natural armor but moving at half speed and −4 to Dex.
Web	Web (Broke)	A magic window appears with curious words to something called 'Google'. You may acquire information equivalent to the casting of Divination, before it vanishes.
Weird	Weird (Broke)	Something downright weird happens, but no fatal effects. Instead, everyone, caster included, must save or be stunned for 3 rounds just boggled by the weird thing they see.
Whirlwind	Hurl Wind	Treat as Gust of Wind, but filled with the caster's vomit. Those affected must make an additional Fort save or be nauseated for 1d4+1 rounds.
Whispering Wind	Whispering Wind (Broke)	The air around you keeps whispering you odd things. The faster the wind, the more often and stranger it gets, but no other effect. Treat as a curse that is permanent until removed.
Wind Walk	Win Walk	Make a move action to take a victory lap! You deserve it! :D
Wind Wall	Window Wall	A Wall of Stone appears, but it has a nice big window in it, so it's kind of useless.
Wish	Fish	As Wish, but somehow Fish-themed or corrupt.
Wood Shape	Wood Ape	Conjures a well-made but curious wooden statue of your favorite primate.
Word of Chaos	Wood of Chaos	Any wooden weapons carried by the caster become Anarchic for 1 hour/level.
Word of Recall	Wood of Recall	The next wooden item you purchase from a store is immediately recalled due to some defect.
Table: Warped Spells (Z)
Original Spell	Warped Spell	Basic Effect
Zone of Silence	Zone of Sylars	The area is filled with 1d4 psychotic telekinetics with a level equal to the Caster Level of the caster. The aforementioned psychotic telekinetics invariably want to eat your brain.
Zone of Truth	Zone of Tooth	All creatures within the area have their teeth repaired to perfection.

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